AF showed up

Day 41, AF showed up. Whew, Finally.. although of course I was hoping it wouldn't. Of course I already have my hopes up for my next cycle. I looked at my calendar and saw that my next AF is due Dec. 3. That is 3 days before our wedding anniversary. This will be our 2 year wedding anniversary and 8 years together anniversary. Wouldn't it be grand to have a BFP for our anniversary! I know... I shouldn't get excited but one can hope, right!? Here's to the next cycle! :)

BFN

Well, it is another BFN for me. For some reason I was holding out some
hope this month. I couldn't figure out why else my face would break out soo badly or why I would be soo hungry the past couple weeks even after eating a big ole meal. And also the fact that I swore I felt myself ovulate. I guess I am just going crazy. I just HATE testing.. it is such a disappointment. Maybe I will go on a testing strike and I can be one of those crazy ladies who didn't know they were pregnant! lol.

I had a bad day today, but I didn't cry all day. I came home and wanted to cry. Ryan told me I was being silly. He told me that this process takes time I need not worry too much about it. I guess he doesn't realize the disappointment I get every month. I know I can't control it, it is just frustrating.

I need to be more patient. But I am having a hard time finding patience. Maybe I am just having a bad day... which I think is the case. Sorry this is such a negative blog... but I guess TTC has its ups and downs.

Almost there

I *almost* tested this morning. Lol. Almost. I chickened out though. I just hate testing and getting that stupid dissapointing negative that I'd rather just wait it out. That being said AF is due this week. One of my calendars says Weds the other says Friday. Although... really that means nothing when it comes to my cyles.

I have been REALLY hungry the past couple weeks and really that has been my only symptom. I also have been looking fat... I think. I took pictures this weekend up in the mountains with my parents and the changing leaves. I SWEAR I look pregnant in EVERY picture! I am probably just fat, but I don't get it.. I am working out a bunch and not loosing weight. Hopefully I am knocked up because that would explain it! lol

Unfortunately I am feeling a bit crampy this evening. It is probably just AF coming... but hopefully it isnt. FX!

I had to buy acne fighting face wash for the first time in years today! Yucko! I swear this might possibly be the worst I have ever broken out! I feel like a 14 year old! Only difference is when you were 14 half the kids around you were having the same problems! When you are 25 and most of the people you work with are a good 20 years older it really just makes you stand out as the pimply one! lol Heres to hoping my face wash makes a difference! I feel my face drying up as I type, so I hope that is a good thing!

Today I felt tired and overwhelmed with life... and I got really bitchy this evening! I just have a ton of things going on and everything is happening either this week or next week. I can't wait for it all to be over! Not to mention AF is supposed to come next week.

Today marks exactly a month since my last period (maybe that is why I was bitchy today?). According to all my fertility calendars I am not supposed to start until the 23rd though because I have had crazy long cycles. But really... who knows!?

I could give you a paragraph of pregnancy signs I am imagining, but really there is no need! I feel pretty normal besides being a bit more hungry than usual. But the countdown is on for 10 more days!

waiting game

Still playing the waiting game. I still have a little less than 2 weeks until my AF is supposed to show. So have I had any pregnancy signs this month? Nothing really out of the norm. Hungry, yes... but I am always hungry. Peeing a bit more, yes, but the first month I was trying I peed like a million times and it was nothing. Tired, nothing more than usual. And nothing more.

I keep getting the urge to tell people that we are trying. I know it is bad idea, but I have never been very good at keeping secrets. :) Today we spent a couple hours with Ryan's grandparents, who we are both really close with. I REALLY wanted to tell them. I don't want a lot of people to know because I have no idea how long this process is going to take. BUT sometimes I think the more people we have praying for us, the faster and maybe easier the process might be. I was trying to convince his grandparents to come visit us and his grandma just said to name the weekend and they will come out... I think I will tell them when they come.... if the timing is right. I am soo excited for them to be great grandparents! They will be soo amazing!

Well that is all I have.

Ovulation!

I *THINK* I felt myself ovulate yesterday! I was taking a shower and I felt a little twinge on my right side and it lasted my entire shower. I don't know for sure if that is what it was... but I think it could have been. I downloaded a new ovulation calendar App for my phone this weekend and I was messing with it this morning and according to it I was supposed to ovulate yesterday. That could be a good thing! Only time will tell. I guess I am in the 2 week wait then? Or in my case the like 3 or 4 week wait! lol The calendar puts me at starting on the 23rd... which would be a 40 day cycle. But since my cycle has been soo crazy... who really knows!

Nothing Much

It has been like 2 weeks since I blogged on here. But, I haven't really had anything exciting going on as far as TTC. I am on day 19 of my cycle. I *think* I was ovulating this week and I *think* I might still be. FX this is the month. But I am thinking it is not. I dunno why, just have a feeling it isn't our month.

I have been really hungry the past 2 days though.... But I think it is just me being a fat ass! lol. I have been feeling really chunky lately... even though I have been going to Zumba and running with my kids at soccer practice. But I guess none of that makes up for eating a bunch of crap all day! I just can't help the fact that Gummy Bears are soo delicious! Lol. I am going to try to put an honest effort to eat better... but I just dont think I can cut those squishy bears from my diet! :)

Zits

I am breaking out like crazy. :( Everywhere! (I even have a zit in my ear! lol) I am guessing it is from being off Birth Control and it totally sucks! I feel like I am in middle school all over again!

I am on day 10 of my cyle. Which doesn't mean anything to me because my cycle has been soo long. But I just thought I would give an update! :)

Nothin new under the moon!

Wait

So, even though AF came.. she had a very short stay. Just like my last cycle it was only like 3 or 4 days and very light. Not that I am complaining... I just HOPE it is normal. I stumbled across a blog of another young lady who was struggling a lot more than I am with TTC. She had on her blog a religious poem that she associated with TTC and I am going to steal it because I can relate to it. :) Here it is:

“Wait”

Desperately, helplessly, longingly I cried:
Quietly, Patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
and the Master so gently said, "wait"

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply
"Lord, I need answers. I need to know why!"

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to wait?
I’m needing a yes, a go ahead, a sign
or even a no to which I’ll resign
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe we need but to ask and we shall receive
Lord, I've been asking and this is my cry: I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate as my Master replied again, “wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, and grumbled to God "so I’m waiting.... for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and his eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign."

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be,
You'd have what you want but you wouldn't know me.
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair; you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You would not know the joy of resting in me, when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when peace of my spirit descends like a dove.
The glow of my comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
from and infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should you pain quickly flee
what it means that my grace is sufficient for thee.

So, be silent, my child and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
and though often my answers seem terribly late,
my most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".

AF!

Yesterday I told someone that my AF was Missing In Action. Well, apparently I offended it, because today it decided to show! A 44 day cycle! Holy crap! Well at least it came! I was starting to worry that it wouldn't. Hopefully this coming month I will start being a bit more regular.

Maybe there is something to the whole deal about waiting 3 months before you start trying! lol Hopefully that is all it takes for me to regulate.

Day 40

Tomorrow is day 40 of my cycle. I tested again this morning and got another BFN. I was really hoping that because my cycle was a bit later than last month that maybe... just maybe it could be it. But I think deep down I secretly knew I wasn't. Maybe that is why I didn't want to test. Because I knew that if I did test that it would be negative and I would loose hope.But instead if I waited then there was kinda... still hope.

I was a little bummed this morning, but I took out my frustrations by exercising and boy am I sore! I exercised this morning, walked the dogs and then went to work. After work I went to Zumba and walked the dogs again for 30 minutes. At least I have a release.

Now if only my stupid AF would come... I don't want my cycle to be all messed up.. HURRY up AF!

mind rambles

Well the pity party is over. lol. The last post I was a little down. I am over it. I know this is out of my control. It is just hard to come to terms with *how* out of my control this process really is. It will happen when it is supposed to happen. Not when I want it to happen. Or at least this is what I keep telling myself! lol

For me when I got that negative this month was out of the question. Although, I did take the test early and in all actuality nothing is completely out of the question until AF comes. Which is supposed to happen 4 days from now. We shall see. Although, I feel totally normal and not knocked up at all, so I am not expecting much. I was wishing AF would come early. But no, looks like I just have super weird and long 35 day cycle! lol. Hey if it does come in 4 days...at least I'll be consistant!

This blog really didn't have a point. I just thought I hadn't written in a few days... but my last one was such a downer that I oughta at least write SOMETHING lol.

Another Month and Another BFN

To say I am not disappointed again would be a lie. We *really* tried... A LOT this month. Like literally did the BD every single day! lol (TMI, I know) Conceiving is just not as easy as one would think. Or I guess as I would think it would be. I guess I just need to get the thoughts in my head that this is not going to be easy and it is definately not going to be a quick process. I think that is hard to wrap my head around. I know it could take awhile to get pregnant, but I always tell myself that I will be the exception and that I will get knocked up sooner than everything I read says. I need to figure out how to get those thoughts out of my head because the odds are, I will be TTC for awhile.

Other than that I was really proud of myself this month. I DID NOT stress out about this at all! I excersied A LOT and I tried to make me the best ME I could be before I support a baby too.

Now to wait for AF and then on to the next month of trying.

OH SO TIRED

I am hoping this is a sign... probably not, but a girl can hope, right?! Yesterday I came home and took a nap, which isn't all that unusual for me to do on a Friday evening because I get off earlier than the other days I work. Anyway, I got home and took a nap at 5:00...I woke up at 9:30. Which is crazy, I usually nap an hour at the most.. maybe 2. THEN, I got up and ate dinner and fell asleep on the couch at 10:30! I decided to get off the couch around 11 and had no problem going back to sleep after that... I woke up at 6:45 this morning for work and I am STILL sleepy. What the hell.

I know sometimes having too much sleep makes you tired, so this could be it. But of course when you are TTC, you can't help but morph everything into a pregnancy sign. I have one test hiding in my bathroom closet and I don't want to waste it on a negative, so that was why I was going to wait until my 35 days were up before I tested. BUT I may run to walmart on monday when I do my shopping and pick up some more tests so I can test this week. FX!

Also, funny thing, last month I was a mess around this time. I thought I would have a normal 28 day cycle. Well, today is day 28 in this month's cycle and I am fine. Totally not stressing this month... which is a great thing! Even my neck and back is better than it was last month. I have been going to a chiropractor every day for a couple months. Last month my neck muscles were in spasm the WHOLE month. This month they aren't in spasm and I haven't been out of alignment in 2 weeks! Score! :)

update

Soo.. I haven't really felt any symptoms... except the past couple of evenings I have felt sick. It started in my zumba class on Monday. I felt like I was gonna hurl. Thankfully I didn't and attributed it to just eating too close to exercising. Tuesday the same thing happened... only this time I hadn't eaten anything since lunch and Zumba is a 6. I couldn't even eat dinner because of how I felt. It isn't bad nausous... just weird nausous. Last night I felt fine after zumba, but around 10 at night I felt funny again... so I went to bed and I woke up fine.

That is it. I dunno if that is a symptom or maybe just something weird. I am not going to look too much into it though... rather wait my week and a half until AF shows her ugly face. I'm almost there. lol

I just thought I would give everyone an update. Nothing too exciting.

10

10 days til my AF is due! That is about as exciting as I get! lol. I haven't felt any symptoms but I suppose it is still too early. Last month we weren't really trying... just not preventing. This month we were *REALLY* trying. So we shall see. Fingers Crossed!

Boring

So I haven't blogged because I have been pretty boring! lol I finally got that knot out of my stomach and have just been trying to relax lately. I am keeping myself busy with work and going to Zumba classes every night and that seems to be a good release! :) I am still not too sure when/if I have ovulated this month. I mean, I guess I just don't know my body that well because I just can't tell. I need to buy one of the ovulation sticks or something.
Because my cycle was soo long last month and because it was my first month off BC I don't know if that is a normal cycle for me or if maybe my cycle was just messed up. (and we all know how much I was stressing myself out last month, which could have contributed to the longer cycle). So I have no clue. This cycle started on Aug. 1, which puts me at 19 days today! :) And my last one was 35 long ass days... so who knows!

I did feel super tired today... but that isnt all that unusual!

More elaboration

This weekend my dear husband told me how much he wanted to have a baby with me. Sigh... It is always nice to hear that we are on the same page and that he wants this as much as I do. BUT this also kind of stresses me out. It is almost like the pressure is put on for it to happen. I know I don't really have control over it, but I feel like I can. I just don't want to let him down.
However, I need to snap out of it because stressing about it... isn't going to make it happen. So how do I stop thinking about it? Any suggestions?

stomach nerves

So.. I just got back from vacation and we had a great time and I was super relaxed. There is a good shot I was ovulation last week. I come home and immediately I get a knot of nerves in my stomach. Back to reality at home. We *really* want this so I need to relax and just let go, but I am having a hard time doing that tonight for some damn reason.

Praying Mantis

I just got a text from my favorite Aunt... it said that she just saw a praying mantis and then asked if I was pregnant! lol. Apparently praying mantis' symbolize (according to her) that there will be a new baby to the family. I have NEVER heard that one before... but I thought it was funny since I *think* I am ovulating. Maybe it is a sign... we shall see! :) Funny thing is... I was JUST talking about praying mantis' yesterday at work. I was saying how I don't like bugs and it all stemmed from them! When I was a kid I was holding one and it ran up my arm and into my shirt. I have hated bugs ever since! lol Maybe I just shouldn't pick bugs up... Either way... the praying mantis has popped up twice this week.

nutin much

So nothing new has really happened. lol. My AF was actually VERY short... like the shortest one I've ever had... not that I'm complaining. :) The only thing is, because AF's visit was soo short and my cycle was soo long... my fertile days, according to the fertility calendars is this huge span of days! So that should be interesting. I have read you are supposed to do the BD every other day when you are TTC. I thought that wouldn't be a problem this month... however we are going on vacation Thursday to see Ryan's family for the weekend. Don't know how much BDing we will be doing with his mom, sisters and brother in the same house. And of course that will be when I am most fertile. lol.. so this month may already be out!

On another note, we haven't told any of our family that we are trying. My parents came this past weekend and my mom is good. She pretty much figured it out. She was in my kitchen look for some spices and my spice rack has some vitamins on it... namely my prenatal vitamins. She asked me why I had prenatals and then later on that day asked if I was still on birth control. Of course I couldn't lie to my mother... but I told her I had just gotten off BC and we wouldn't try for at least 3 months. So at least she hopefully won't bug me about it for 3 mos.

Well that is all I have for now.

My inspiration for the month

So yesterday I was reading a blog of a girl who was TTC. What she described in her experiences were things that I think I too went through this past month. (although her trials were much longer than mine have been) She talked about how in life when she wanted something, she just went out and got it. Not that she was spoiled, but things were just easy for her. She wanted to go to college, she did. She wanted to graduate, she did. She met her husband and wanted to get married and did and got a good job. And now that she wants to conceieve a baby, it isn't just something that she can just do. She had to really learn to just let go of the process and realize that it is completely and udderly out of her hands. That is why having a baby is such a miracle. You can *try* to control it, but really have NO control over it... at all. It is in God's hands. She left, with this quote... which I already have as my facebook status because I was soo inspired : "You block your dreams when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith"


So I'ma do my part (BD) and leave the rest up to faith. ;)

AF

Well my AF FINALLY arrived! I was soo happy. I know it sounds strange to be happy about it.. but I was tired of being kinda in the in between stage of not knowing when or if AF would come. I am happy it actually came because it means I can move on from the last month and look forward to this next one. Thank goodness. Onto the next month. I plan to have some more fun trying this month! ;)

AH HA

So after spending the ENTIRE day in interpretation training and having a somewhat of a sucky morning... I finally had my Ah Ha moment. (An interpetive phrase we talked about today lol) I have finally figured out (Ah Ha) that : I am stressing myself out, I am not pregnant, Just because your period doesn't come, does not mean you are pregnant and I am NEVER going to get pregnant if I don't relax.

That is my Ah Ha moment of the day.

I mean of course I REALLY wanted to be pregnant and I kept holding onto hope that maybe... just maybe I actually was and that was ALL I could think about. Today the reality finally set it... umm... yeah you are probably not pregnant and your cycle is probably just all f-ed up... so get over it, move on and relax. I haven't been drinking caffiene because I was wishing I was knocked up... so today I had Coffee and Tea! And I did situps this morning... which I haven't done in weeks! I REALLY needed to as well.. I think I have put on a couple pounds during the last couple of weeks of stressing.

Hopefully this was a turning point for me and AF will reward me and show up shortly. (fingers crossed)

So what is wrong with me?

So... the past couple of days I have just been peeing like a mad woman. I was starting to think that if I wasn't pregnant then maybe there is something wrong with me. I have had my fair share of bladder infections... NONE of them felt like this. (which is... I don't feel anything... just have to pee!) It had been 5 days since my last BFN... so I took another test this morning. BFN # 2. I had just woken up from an amazing dream that I had gotten a BFP. I got up peed on a stick and then went back to bed for 3 minutes... only to find that dream was just a stupid dream and instead I just keep peeeing BFNs! So... now I am thinking maybe there is something wrong with me and maybe I need to go to the DR. to see why I am peeing soo damn much. :( Unfortunately I have training ALL day today and tomorrow and work on Sat.... no Dr. til at least Monday. Oh yeah and my parents are coming this weekend. Sigh. And AF still hasn't come... wish it would.... so I'd at least know what the hell is going on. This morning... this blows. :) Bleh.

Long cycle?

Ok, maybe I just have a longer cycle than 28 days. Its a major possibility. If that is the fact... then this is only day 31 of my cycle. Maybe AF will come on day 35. And if she doesn't I may test again on day 36 or 37. I have REALLY been trying not to think about this and not to stress... and it seems to be working! Funny thing is... since I told myself that I wouldn't think about it or stress... I haven't really noticed any symptoms like I had been. Maybe I was stressing soo much I was making it all up? Next month I WILL NOT be like this! :) I think I am also going to start exercising more, to help keep me in tip top shape and to take my mind off of things! (that is the plan) I have a VERY busy week ahead, which should help keep my mind of things. Hopefully I will have news of either AF or testing by the end of the week.

Still hope? Maybe?

Well... still no AF and really no sign of it coming anytime soon. I still feel cramps, but they are the same cramps I have felt for over a week... low ab cramps. I was doing some research online today and I found this:

If you don’t get a positive pregnancy test, it doesn’t mean that you are not pregnant. It could be that you ovulated later than you thought (meaning that conception and subsequent HCG production didn’t happen as you calculated) or that, for you, implantation took longer than the average.

Soo pretty much this is what I am holding out hope for. Being this is my first month actually trying I know my AF could just be off a bit, but my ovulation and everything else could also be off a bit as well. So still... at this point I just don't know.

What I do know is that I peed a ton today and that is a fact.

I will hold off a couple days, maybe buy a different test and try again if AF doesn't appear. Until then...

BFN

Well. This process is a frustrating one... that is for sure. (so far anyway) I guess I was imagining symptoms. Yesterday I was having some cramping... yesterday was also the day AF was supposed to arrive and she didn't. I looked it up and cramping was also a symptom of being 4 weeks pregnant. So... I thought... this is it. I am either going to get AF OR I am 4 weeks pregnant. Well, once I looked that up and pretty much convinced myself that this could really be it, THAT was all I could think about. Cramping, peeing a lot... a little extra tired and SUPER emotional, Come one...this is IT! lol I was originally planning on testing on Sunday if AF hadn't arrived yet. BUT I was soo excited and anxious that I woke up this morning and HAD to test. Only to find the stupid little test read negative. Bummer. Well, I hope AF arrives soon and that I don't have any issues like fertility problems. (fingers crossed.) So I go from praying my period doesn't come... to now praying that it comes! Sigh. What a roller coaster and it is only the first month!

So I will go on my day... cramping and peeing and now hoping for AF.

D day

Tomorrow is the day my AF is supposed to stop by. I have been having very faint low abdominal cramps for a week, but tonight I was having more cramps... most like period cramps. Boo. But I guess you never know. I will just wait and see. Until then...

Nothing new...

So... like the title says. Nothing new has really happened. The only thing weird going on is I have been having lower abdominal cramping. I don't usually get period cramping, except for when AF is actually visiting. This lower ab cramping has been happening for days... or maybe almost a week. So either I am going to have an epic AF because I am just coming of BC. OR it could be something else. The only other possible symptom is the fact that I still seem to be peeing more than usual. AF is supposed to come then end of this week. I think I will run to the store this week and get some tests. It could be the first of many tests that I will buy... joy. I also will be getting some feminine hygiene along with those tests. lol I will either need one or the other! :)

Peeing Machine?

So today... I am a peeing machine. I don't believe I am drinking anymore than usual, but I feel like I am peeing A LOT more than usual! I know this can be a sign of pregnancy because your uterus is expanding and pushing on your bladder and I read you can feel this as early as 1-2 weeks after conception. Something... or nothing?

At first I thought I was getting a bladder infection. (unfortunately I know those symptoms all too well) The main symptom I usually feel coming on first is the feeling of frequent urination, but typically only a few drops come out. (TMI, I know) However, this time the feeling of frequent urination was real. I was at work and was like, there is no way I have to go AGAIN. I pushed my bladder... and boy yeah...I did have to pee again! And I've done that all afternoon and evening. I peed soo much at work that I just untucked my uniform shirt because I got tired of tucking and untucking it every time I went to the bathroom.

So this could be something... or nothing. I guess only time will tell.

Until the next symptom... or made up symptom... lol

Thinking too much

I know the whole trying to get pregnant thing is supposed to be fun... but I can definitely see how it can be somewhat of a stressful experience. I mean, this is our very first couple of weeks of being off BC.... and already I am thinking about how disappointing it will be when/if my period comes at the end of the month. Very first month of trying and this is what I am thinking of. Sigh... this is going to be a long depressing process if I keep this up. Today I was in the store and walked past the feminine hygiene section. I stopped and thought I should probably get some... and then I was like, Oh maybe I'll be pregnant and I won't need them. I won't buy them. But come on.. I am just setting myself up for that one. lol

I think I need to try not to think about it soo much.. but really how can you not?

Speaking of not thinking about it... today I was thinking about how horrible it is going to be to put my future children in daycare. Then I thought about spending my lunch breaks at their daycare so I could see them and maybe breastfeed. Sigh... THIS is what runs through my crazy mind! And then I got scared that I wouldn't know what to do with a baby when it came. Like how do you know all the things you are supposed to do? Do they tell you everything you need to know in the hospital after you have the baby? They better!

Ok... that is all my crazy rants for today.

Just returned for Vegas

Well... we just got back. I am pretty sure my hormones have been a little screwy from getting off birth control. I cried in a casino when I lost 20 bucks. lol. Like big ole alligator tears lol. I wanted to cry again when we missed the fire work shows and I cried when I tore my new dress as I was taking it off.. lol That was all within a couple of hours. I figured it was the hormones and went to bed. I woke up in a good mood so that is the only thing I could think of! Crazy hormones!

According to a fertility calculator I am using, I am currently fertile. I know... I am supposed to wait to give my body time before we start trying. BUT I don't think we will. For now I think it is in God's hands. If I am ready and my body is ready, I have faith that it will happen. If I am not, then I am not. We shall see. We aren't going to purposely try... but just go about things normally. If it happens, it happens.

Now or Forever?

You have no idea how exciting it is for me to be officially OFF BC! WHoo Hoo! Too awesome! :) I am finding it really hard to even think about waiting 3 months. I selfishly would love to conceive in July. Why you ask? Not because I want to get pregnant right away.. but timing wise it would PERFECT. I am *sure* it won't happen. BUT if it did, it would work out amazingly. I say this because that would mean a baby would come in April. I could take 2 months off and my mom, mother in law and sister in laws could help babysit throughout the summer... meaning instead of putting a 2 month old in daycare it would be a 4 or 5 month old in daycare... not as bad! lol That is my sole reasoning for wanting to TTC in July. I know I shouldn't BUT wouldn't it be grand? lol I guess we will see.

My husband and I go on vacation this weekend.. according to my fertility calendar I will be fertile the week we come back. I've been told and read that you often get pregnant when you are relaxed... ie, on vacation or right after. hmm.... we will see. :) lol wait 3 months... wait 3 months...wait 3 months.... now!

babies?

Having a kid is probably one of the biggest decisions you could ever make, especially as a couple.

Ryan and I always knew we wanted kids. We were just waiting until we were ready and the perfect time. Well, we both have great jobs and big house that needs fillin' lol. So I figured what better time. Ryan had wanted to wait until he found out for sure that his job would be stable. Two weeks ago, he found that out. He got a promotion and found out he'd be here awhile. (Hooray! :)) To me that was IT, babymaking time! Well he hadn't said anything so I didn't bring it up. That weekend we got to meet up with his little sisters, they are 12. We hadn't seen them in 6 months and that has been very hard on us. When we left them and had to say goodbye I cried for the majority of the trip home. That was when Ryan decided to bring up the baby conversation. As if I wasn't emotional as it was. Hearing him say that he was ready to be a dad was the best words I think I've ever heard him say! I was extatic.

Then the reality hit, damn I just started a new BC cycle. LAME. When we finally realized we were ready, I wanted to start this process that instant. But unfortunately it doesn't work like that. I did my research and learned it was better to finish out my BC cycle before and not just stop cold turkey and then start the process. My Dr. said to go off BC for at least 3 months before you even start trying. Are you kidding me? That is a freaking eternity! I am just not sure I can wait 3 whole months. That would be the longest 3 months of my life. So I now have no idea. I am soo glad I am at least on the last step of the BC cycle. NO MORE BC! WHoo HOO! I can't wait for that. Maybe I'll actually loose some of that weight I put on 5 years ago when I went on... or maybe that is just wishful thinking!

So that is where we are now. playing the waiting game i guess. LAME. But what an exciting future. I just hope we will be lucky enough to be blessed with a child someday.

New blog

So I created this blog... for my sanity. Blogging and writing is how I survive some days. I am now going through something that I don't want to necessarily share with everyone I know... but I would like to at least have some release and venting process without telling anyone. :) So I decided, this is it. My husband and I have decided to try to have a baby. This will be my blog about the process, feelings and experiences that I will go through along the way.