Another Month and Another BFN

To say I am not disappointed again would be a lie. We *really* tried... A LOT this month. Like literally did the BD every single day! lol (TMI, I know) Conceiving is just not as easy as one would think. Or I guess as I would think it would be. I guess I just need to get the thoughts in my head that this is not going to be easy and it is definately not going to be a quick process. I think that is hard to wrap my head around. I know it could take awhile to get pregnant, but I always tell myself that I will be the exception and that I will get knocked up sooner than everything I read says. I need to figure out how to get those thoughts out of my head because the odds are, I will be TTC for awhile.

Other than that I was really proud of myself this month. I DID NOT stress out about this at all! I excersied A LOT and I tried to make me the best ME I could be before I support a baby too.

Now to wait for AF and then on to the next month of trying.

OH SO TIRED

I am hoping this is a sign... probably not, but a girl can hope, right?! Yesterday I came home and took a nap, which isn't all that unusual for me to do on a Friday evening because I get off earlier than the other days I work. Anyway, I got home and took a nap at 5:00...I woke up at 9:30. Which is crazy, I usually nap an hour at the most.. maybe 2. THEN, I got up and ate dinner and fell asleep on the couch at 10:30! I decided to get off the couch around 11 and had no problem going back to sleep after that... I woke up at 6:45 this morning for work and I am STILL sleepy. What the hell.

I know sometimes having too much sleep makes you tired, so this could be it. But of course when you are TTC, you can't help but morph everything into a pregnancy sign. I have one test hiding in my bathroom closet and I don't want to waste it on a negative, so that was why I was going to wait until my 35 days were up before I tested. BUT I may run to walmart on monday when I do my shopping and pick up some more tests so I can test this week. FX!

Also, funny thing, last month I was a mess around this time. I thought I would have a normal 28 day cycle. Well, today is day 28 in this month's cycle and I am fine. Totally not stressing this month... which is a great thing! Even my neck and back is better than it was last month. I have been going to a chiropractor every day for a couple months. Last month my neck muscles were in spasm the WHOLE month. This month they aren't in spasm and I haven't been out of alignment in 2 weeks! Score! :)

update

Soo.. I haven't really felt any symptoms... except the past couple of evenings I have felt sick. It started in my zumba class on Monday. I felt like I was gonna hurl. Thankfully I didn't and attributed it to just eating too close to exercising. Tuesday the same thing happened... only this time I hadn't eaten anything since lunch and Zumba is a 6. I couldn't even eat dinner because of how I felt. It isn't bad nausous... just weird nausous. Last night I felt fine after zumba, but around 10 at night I felt funny again... so I went to bed and I woke up fine.

That is it. I dunno if that is a symptom or maybe just something weird. I am not going to look too much into it though... rather wait my week and a half until AF shows her ugly face. I'm almost there. lol

I just thought I would give everyone an update. Nothing too exciting.

10

10 days til my AF is due! That is about as exciting as I get! lol. I haven't felt any symptoms but I suppose it is still too early. Last month we weren't really trying... just not preventing. This month we were *REALLY* trying. So we shall see. Fingers Crossed!

Boring

So I haven't blogged because I have been pretty boring! lol I finally got that knot out of my stomach and have just been trying to relax lately. I am keeping myself busy with work and going to Zumba classes every night and that seems to be a good release! :) I am still not too sure when/if I have ovulated this month. I mean, I guess I just don't know my body that well because I just can't tell. I need to buy one of the ovulation sticks or something.
Because my cycle was soo long last month and because it was my first month off BC I don't know if that is a normal cycle for me or if maybe my cycle was just messed up. (and we all know how much I was stressing myself out last month, which could have contributed to the longer cycle). So I have no clue. This cycle started on Aug. 1, which puts me at 19 days today! :) And my last one was 35 long ass days... so who knows!

I did feel super tired today... but that isnt all that unusual!

More elaboration

This weekend my dear husband told me how much he wanted to have a baby with me. Sigh... It is always nice to hear that we are on the same page and that he wants this as much as I do. BUT this also kind of stresses me out. It is almost like the pressure is put on for it to happen. I know I don't really have control over it, but I feel like I can. I just don't want to let him down.
However, I need to snap out of it because stressing about it... isn't going to make it happen. So how do I stop thinking about it? Any suggestions?

stomach nerves

So.. I just got back from vacation and we had a great time and I was super relaxed. There is a good shot I was ovulation last week. I come home and immediately I get a knot of nerves in my stomach. Back to reality at home. We *really* want this so I need to relax and just let go, but I am having a hard time doing that tonight for some damn reason.

Praying Mantis

I just got a text from my favorite Aunt... it said that she just saw a praying mantis and then asked if I was pregnant! lol. Apparently praying mantis' symbolize (according to her) that there will be a new baby to the family. I have NEVER heard that one before... but I thought it was funny since I *think* I am ovulating. Maybe it is a sign... we shall see! :) Funny thing is... I was JUST talking about praying mantis' yesterday at work. I was saying how I don't like bugs and it all stemmed from them! When I was a kid I was holding one and it ran up my arm and into my shirt. I have hated bugs ever since! lol Maybe I just shouldn't pick bugs up... Either way... the praying mantis has popped up twice this week.

nutin much

So nothing new has really happened. lol. My AF was actually VERY short... like the shortest one I've ever had... not that I'm complaining. :) The only thing is, because AF's visit was soo short and my cycle was soo long... my fertile days, according to the fertility calendars is this huge span of days! So that should be interesting. I have read you are supposed to do the BD every other day when you are TTC. I thought that wouldn't be a problem this month... however we are going on vacation Thursday to see Ryan's family for the weekend. Don't know how much BDing we will be doing with his mom, sisters and brother in the same house. And of course that will be when I am most fertile. lol.. so this month may already be out!

On another note, we haven't told any of our family that we are trying. My parents came this past weekend and my mom is good. She pretty much figured it out. She was in my kitchen look for some spices and my spice rack has some vitamins on it... namely my prenatal vitamins. She asked me why I had prenatals and then later on that day asked if I was still on birth control. Of course I couldn't lie to my mother... but I told her I had just gotten off BC and we wouldn't try for at least 3 months. So at least she hopefully won't bug me about it for 3 mos.

Well that is all I have for now.

My inspiration for the month

So yesterday I was reading a blog of a girl who was TTC. What she described in her experiences were things that I think I too went through this past month. (although her trials were much longer than mine have been) She talked about how in life when she wanted something, she just went out and got it. Not that she was spoiled, but things were just easy for her. She wanted to go to college, she did. She wanted to graduate, she did. She met her husband and wanted to get married and did and got a good job. And now that she wants to conceieve a baby, it isn't just something that she can just do. She had to really learn to just let go of the process and realize that it is completely and udderly out of her hands. That is why having a baby is such a miracle. You can *try* to control it, but really have NO control over it... at all. It is in God's hands. She left, with this quote... which I already have as my facebook status because I was soo inspired : "You block your dreams when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith"


So I'ma do my part (BD) and leave the rest up to faith. ;)

AF

Well my AF FINALLY arrived! I was soo happy. I know it sounds strange to be happy about it.. but I was tired of being kinda in the in between stage of not knowing when or if AF would come. I am happy it actually came because it means I can move on from the last month and look forward to this next one. Thank goodness. Onto the next month. I plan to have some more fun trying this month! ;)