Breastfeeding blues

Breastfeeding is literally the hardest thing I've ever done. I know I said labor was bad... and it was, but at least it was temporary! Lol.  I've almost quit out of frustration several times now and if you knew how important this was to me, you'd know how big of a deal almost quitting is!

Colin is a great latcher, latched on right away at the hospital no problem. I left the hospital with sore, bleeding, scabbed and chapped nipples... but from what I've heard that is fairly normal. The initial latch hurt a little bit, but I figured as my boobs toughened up it would get better.... it hasn't.

I have like chunks of my nipple missing now. :) Sounds grand, huh? Where he sucked some of the scabs off... I have like holes. The initial latch is VERY painful, but I figured with time, as that healed it would get better. So even though the initial latch sometimes brings tears to my eyes, it is over in a second and bearable.

Then my milk came in. The engorgement made it hard for him to latch and just made everything worse. This was the first time I almost gave up. I pumped to help with the engorgement, but I felt like it wasn't really helping and was engorged for like 5 days. When I thought maybe I was pumping too much and kind of quit cold turkey. My breasts felt normal again and were still producing milk  and we had a couple days where he'd latch first try and although it was still terribly painful it was over fast and I thought maybe this was the beginning of breastfeeding getting better.

Then yesterday happened. It seemed like he was having a hard time getting my milk to come down on my left side (which has always been my good side, not as painful and when I pumped always had the most milk). I thought maybe since I wasn't engorged anymore that maybe I had a longer let down process and that was frustrating him. He would latch, let go, latch let go, latch let go... over and over and over. And with painful latches that left me and him both crying!  Last night we tried to latch and get milk to come down for over an hour once and then again for like 15 or 20 mins before I almost quit for the second time.  I ended up giving him the other boob and pumping the left one and giving him a bottle because it was just soo sore. I was shocked when I pumped and barely anything out. So now I'm thinking my supply has gone low on that side?  I don't know.

Everyone says the first 2 weeks is the hardest... and well... Monday is 2 weeks and by golly if this gets any harder I may be a damn quitter!

I suppose I should ask for help, but I am kind of stubborn and wanted to just figure it out on my own. lol

Colin has a Dr. apt. on Monday and I think my infected nipples with chunks missing might be cause for concern enough to ask the Dr. about.  Sigh.  I just wish it was easier and I pray everyday that it gets easier.