I thought I'd be a tougher parent...

But my kid has me wrapped around his little chubby fingers...

Before I had kids I envisioned myself as a tough love parent. One that would never in a million years let my kid sleep with me. No way. That is why they had their own rooms.  Then I had a kid and sleep deprivation drove me to do crazy things like letting my kid sleep in our bed, just so I could get an hour or 2 of sleep.

I've been reading up on ways to help Colin sleep. And the main thing I've been working on is getting him to fall asleep on his own, instead of me nursing him or laying with him... BUT I can't stand to hear  him cry. So getting him to fall asleep on his own with minimal tears is what we are working on. (I know.. I'm terrible. Yesterday Ryan wanted to attempt to get him to sleep, when he was having a nap strike and didn't want Colin to fall asleep on me, like usual... so I sat in the other room and cried harder than Colin did because I couldn't stand to hear him cry. It sucks hearing them cry and knowing that all it would take for them to stop is for you to pick them up... but you can't. :) )

The first couple of nights of 'fall asleep on your own with minimal crying' actually went ok. He is pretty tired by the time he hits bedtime, so I get him in the crib and put on his music toy and talk to him or pat his back and he falls asleep. However, he gets up every 20 minutes to an hour... BUT he falls asleep on his own. So I guess that is technically progress? Lol.  When he gets up it is actually really pretty easy to get him to go back to sleep. I just go in there and put my hand on his back (he is usually on all fours by the time I get in there, because I am in bed hoping he will go back to sleep) and tell him its ok and he drops his head and goes to sleep. The issue is having to do that every 20 mins. to an hour when he wakes up. Last night I did it 5 times before midnight before I caved and brought him back to bed. He at least sleeps 2 or 3 hour stretches in our bed...  I need SOME sleep people!

The point of this is it is supposed to be easier for them to fall back asleep if they fall asleep in the same place they started. If he falls asleep holding onto me and then wakes up in his crib, he's then a little pissed off because I'm no longer there.  Which is understandable. I honestly would have no problem still cosleeping... if he slept. But he doesn't. The last time I had a stretch longer than 3 hrs was over 2 weeks ago! Lol

I'm trying to let him cry a bit longer and be tougher, but there are days where I feel like he can just cry forever and like I mentioned earlier I am usually crying with him. But I just put him in his crib and then walked away and started writing this blog to distract myself. I wasn't done with the 2nd paragraph when I stopped hearing him cry and I checked on him during the 3rd paragraph and he was sound asleep... in a very uncomfortable position, but sound asleep. So maybe he will get the hang of this crib thing again... after all he was sleeping 4 or 5 hour stretches in his crib 3 months ago! I just didn't want a repeat of yesterday when he refused to nap... and so far he has only cat napped all day so he needed this!

On a side note and I promise this long blog will end soon... Yesterday when he was on a nap strike and we were 2 hours into an attempt to get him to sleep and while I was crying in the other room... My husband laughed and said it's ok, someday he will win an award for being the most resilient at something. We don't know what yet, but he will win an award at something for being the most resilient.