AH HA

So after spending the ENTIRE day in interpretation training and having a somewhat of a sucky morning... I finally had my Ah Ha moment. (An interpetive phrase we talked about today lol) I have finally figured out (Ah Ha) that : I am stressing myself out, I am not pregnant, Just because your period doesn't come, does not mean you are pregnant and I am NEVER going to get pregnant if I don't relax.

That is my Ah Ha moment of the day.

I mean of course I REALLY wanted to be pregnant and I kept holding onto hope that maybe... just maybe I actually was and that was ALL I could think about. Today the reality finally set it... umm... yeah you are probably not pregnant and your cycle is probably just all f-ed up... so get over it, move on and relax. I haven't been drinking caffiene because I was wishing I was knocked up... so today I had Coffee and Tea! And I did situps this morning... which I haven't done in weeks! I REALLY needed to as well.. I think I have put on a couple pounds during the last couple of weeks of stressing.

Hopefully this was a turning point for me and AF will reward me and show up shortly. (fingers crossed)

So what is wrong with me?

So... the past couple of days I have just been peeing like a mad woman. I was starting to think that if I wasn't pregnant then maybe there is something wrong with me. I have had my fair share of bladder infections... NONE of them felt like this. (which is... I don't feel anything... just have to pee!) It had been 5 days since my last BFN... so I took another test this morning. BFN # 2. I had just woken up from an amazing dream that I had gotten a BFP. I got up peed on a stick and then went back to bed for 3 minutes... only to find that dream was just a stupid dream and instead I just keep peeeing BFNs! So... now I am thinking maybe there is something wrong with me and maybe I need to go to the DR. to see why I am peeing soo damn much. :( Unfortunately I have training ALL day today and tomorrow and work on Sat.... no Dr. til at least Monday. Oh yeah and my parents are coming this weekend. Sigh. And AF still hasn't come... wish it would.... so I'd at least know what the hell is going on. This morning... this blows. :) Bleh.

Long cycle?

Ok, maybe I just have a longer cycle than 28 days. Its a major possibility. If that is the fact... then this is only day 31 of my cycle. Maybe AF will come on day 35. And if she doesn't I may test again on day 36 or 37. I have REALLY been trying not to think about this and not to stress... and it seems to be working! Funny thing is... since I told myself that I wouldn't think about it or stress... I haven't really noticed any symptoms like I had been. Maybe I was stressing soo much I was making it all up? Next month I WILL NOT be like this! :) I think I am also going to start exercising more, to help keep me in tip top shape and to take my mind off of things! (that is the plan) I have a VERY busy week ahead, which should help keep my mind of things. Hopefully I will have news of either AF or testing by the end of the week.

Still hope? Maybe?

Well... still no AF and really no sign of it coming anytime soon. I still feel cramps, but they are the same cramps I have felt for over a week... low ab cramps. I was doing some research online today and I found this:

If you don’t get a positive pregnancy test, it doesn’t mean that you are not pregnant. It could be that you ovulated later than you thought (meaning that conception and subsequent HCG production didn’t happen as you calculated) or that, for you, implantation took longer than the average.

Soo pretty much this is what I am holding out hope for. Being this is my first month actually trying I know my AF could just be off a bit, but my ovulation and everything else could also be off a bit as well. So still... at this point I just don't know.

What I do know is that I peed a ton today and that is a fact.

I will hold off a couple days, maybe buy a different test and try again if AF doesn't appear. Until then...

BFN

Well. This process is a frustrating one... that is for sure. (so far anyway) I guess I was imagining symptoms. Yesterday I was having some cramping... yesterday was also the day AF was supposed to arrive and she didn't. I looked it up and cramping was also a symptom of being 4 weeks pregnant. So... I thought... this is it. I am either going to get AF OR I am 4 weeks pregnant. Well, once I looked that up and pretty much convinced myself that this could really be it, THAT was all I could think about. Cramping, peeing a lot... a little extra tired and SUPER emotional, Come one...this is IT! lol I was originally planning on testing on Sunday if AF hadn't arrived yet. BUT I was soo excited and anxious that I woke up this morning and HAD to test. Only to find the stupid little test read negative. Bummer. Well, I hope AF arrives soon and that I don't have any issues like fertility problems. (fingers crossed.) So I go from praying my period doesn't come... to now praying that it comes! Sigh. What a roller coaster and it is only the first month!

So I will go on my day... cramping and peeing and now hoping for AF.

D day

Tomorrow is the day my AF is supposed to stop by. I have been having very faint low abdominal cramps for a week, but tonight I was having more cramps... most like period cramps. Boo. But I guess you never know. I will just wait and see. Until then...

Nothing new...

So... like the title says. Nothing new has really happened. The only thing weird going on is I have been having lower abdominal cramping. I don't usually get period cramping, except for when AF is actually visiting. This lower ab cramping has been happening for days... or maybe almost a week. So either I am going to have an epic AF because I am just coming of BC. OR it could be something else. The only other possible symptom is the fact that I still seem to be peeing more than usual. AF is supposed to come then end of this week. I think I will run to the store this week and get some tests. It could be the first of many tests that I will buy... joy. I also will be getting some feminine hygiene along with those tests. lol I will either need one or the other! :)

Peeing Machine?

So today... I am a peeing machine. I don't believe I am drinking anymore than usual, but I feel like I am peeing A LOT more than usual! I know this can be a sign of pregnancy because your uterus is expanding and pushing on your bladder and I read you can feel this as early as 1-2 weeks after conception. Something... or nothing?

At first I thought I was getting a bladder infection. (unfortunately I know those symptoms all too well) The main symptom I usually feel coming on first is the feeling of frequent urination, but typically only a few drops come out. (TMI, I know) However, this time the feeling of frequent urination was real. I was at work and was like, there is no way I have to go AGAIN. I pushed my bladder... and boy yeah...I did have to pee again! And I've done that all afternoon and evening. I peed soo much at work that I just untucked my uniform shirt because I got tired of tucking and untucking it every time I went to the bathroom.

So this could be something... or nothing. I guess only time will tell.

Until the next symptom... or made up symptom... lol

Thinking too much

I know the whole trying to get pregnant thing is supposed to be fun... but I can definitely see how it can be somewhat of a stressful experience. I mean, this is our very first couple of weeks of being off BC.... and already I am thinking about how disappointing it will be when/if my period comes at the end of the month. Very first month of trying and this is what I am thinking of. Sigh... this is going to be a long depressing process if I keep this up. Today I was in the store and walked past the feminine hygiene section. I stopped and thought I should probably get some... and then I was like, Oh maybe I'll be pregnant and I won't need them. I won't buy them. But come on.. I am just setting myself up for that one. lol

I think I need to try not to think about it soo much.. but really how can you not?

Speaking of not thinking about it... today I was thinking about how horrible it is going to be to put my future children in daycare. Then I thought about spending my lunch breaks at their daycare so I could see them and maybe breastfeed. Sigh... THIS is what runs through my crazy mind! And then I got scared that I wouldn't know what to do with a baby when it came. Like how do you know all the things you are supposed to do? Do they tell you everything you need to know in the hospital after you have the baby? They better!

Ok... that is all my crazy rants for today.

Just returned for Vegas

Well... we just got back. I am pretty sure my hormones have been a little screwy from getting off birth control. I cried in a casino when I lost 20 bucks. lol. Like big ole alligator tears lol. I wanted to cry again when we missed the fire work shows and I cried when I tore my new dress as I was taking it off.. lol That was all within a couple of hours. I figured it was the hormones and went to bed. I woke up in a good mood so that is the only thing I could think of! Crazy hormones!

According to a fertility calculator I am using, I am currently fertile. I know... I am supposed to wait to give my body time before we start trying. BUT I don't think we will. For now I think it is in God's hands. If I am ready and my body is ready, I have faith that it will happen. If I am not, then I am not. We shall see. We aren't going to purposely try... but just go about things normally. If it happens, it happens.